Recommitted? Committed? Calgon take me away???
Yeah, so, I would explain my absence, but that’s too much. I just know that I woke up yesterday and today with the oddest push to get back here. Life allows me the time these days. But I also woke up completely weepy. No reasons, no bad dreams that intrude into reality, no bad news. Nada. Seasonal depression? Nope. I thrive with gray and rain and cold. Been that way forever.
I realize, maybe, just maybe, this feeling simply *is*. I’m not depressed or sad or apathetic. If I’m being transparent, I really could use a hug. Yup. A hug. Maybe a kind word? But mostly no words. For a matter of fact, yeah, don’t talk. Just a minute of proof that humanity is still connected with me. Since the whole “world went crazy” situation, closeness is fleeting it seems. Technology is great with texts, video chats, constant ABILITY to connect, but it isn’t true quality time, now is it? As I type this, I’m realizing that is the issue:
I’m a physical time giver.
The most precious thing I can give and receive is time. Wanna just sit and be? I’m your girl! Want to go for a spontaneous drive to absolutely nowhere? Call me! Food and convo? Say so much less! Crying and laughing at the same time to the point where the rest of the people around are questioning if there should be heavy medication? YOO HOO – pick me!! And now I live in a world where this is so hard to do. It’s actually one of the major reasons that I love my new career. I get to serve the community, and in that, be a human contact for a very robotic and automated process. Want to stop me to tell me about your kids, dog, job, hear the joke you just heard, see the progress on your project? I’m in…..so, so in. Could be my educational background of social work at play, but I think it is a natural part of me. I want you to trust that I have your best everything in mind any time I see you, even when I don’t see you.
Herein lies the rub. I would like a bit of that in return.
Right?
Who wouldn’t? And not the world – a genuine interest in my well-being. I’m not a “dumper”. You ask me how I am, you are going to get an honest answer, but you won’t be getting my life history. For the most part, I’m pretty positive with a bright outlook. I sometimes run into the bubbly aspect of things, but I tend to annoy myself when I am there, so pull the reins very quickly. But it is the hug that I covet and the hug that I possess. I want a space invading, chin tucked into the neck, heart beats starting to sync, long, hold onto me for dear life kind of hug. I’ll never ask why, I’ll never know why, I’ll just do! You break, I’ll hold. If I sigh, I’m about to give you a little more of my physical weight. Not because I can’t hold it, but because I feel visible. Don’t we all want that? Heck, don’t we all NEED that on some kind of level?
So here we are, and this is my digital “hug” to you. And I’ll keep giving them! Sometimes, even though you aren’t standing right next to someone, it feels good to have someone hold onto you, ask no questions, have no expectation….and just be.
So………just be…….
………..with me……
………deal?
Where Are the 'Structions?! 